There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

The Pope wakes up one morning with a huge erection. Thinking that it wasn't very Catholic, he tries to get rid of it. Unfortunately, walking around the room, thinking about Arsenal and even getting some fresh air on the balcony all fail to soften him up. With only one option left, he sat down on the balcony and relieved himself.

Later, the Pope was walking around Rome, when a man with a camera approached him. " Hello, Mr. Pope," the man says. " Six o'clock this morning, on the balcony, I think you know what I'm talking about." " I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," the Pope replied. " Oh, I think you do," the man retorted, "and 50 thousand will buy you the camera." Worried and confused, the Pope paid up and took the camera.

Back in the Vatican, one of the Pope's aides was asking about the camera. "A chap in town sold it to me for 50 thousand," the Pope explained. " 50 thousand?" said the aide. " Wow, he must've seen you coming."

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, 'It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them.'

The second nun said, 'I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later.'

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

'You get them at a chemist, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them.'

The next day the good sister went to the chemist and walked up to the counter.

'Good morning, sister,' the chemist said, 'what can I do for you today?'

'I'd like some condoms please,' said the nun.

The chemist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, 'How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.'

'I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week,' said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice.

'Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.'

The sister thought for a minute and finally said: 'I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?'

So my Holiday is going well.  Apart from the sunburn.

It´s bloody killing me and now it is peeling and the worst thing is....  I HAVE IT ON MY PECS!!!

hopefully in the next couple of days it will be gone and then its time to get some more.  Curse mother nature

Anyway, got up this morning to watch the rugby.  What a huge puddle of wank that was!.  Wish i stayed in bed.

Anyway, hope all of you are taking care and not getting up to mischief...

Scott-James

I forgot to add this so I will put it on now.

On May 12th, MTV aired a show that unveiled the next generation xbox.  As you can see from the new photo album, it is very nice!!! Here are the specs....

2 types of Xbox Live:
Xbox Live Silver (no subscription required)
Xbox Live Gold (subscription benefits)

Features for Gold service
(S) Also for Silver
(O) Also for Offline

- Seamless transition to Xbox Live account from Xbox to Xbox 360
- Access to MMOs (additional fees may apply) (S)
- Free Xbox Live weekends (S)
- Multiplayer online gameplay
- Avatar for gamer profile(S)(O)
- Motto for gamer profile (S)(O)
- Personalized look for Xbox System Guide (S)(O)
- Offline achievments (S)(O)
- Online achievements (S)
- Access to other players' Gamer cards via Live (S)
- Cumulative gamer score (S)(O)
- Location/language profile (S)(O)
- Reputation (S)
- Enahnced matchmaking using above
- Skill level matchmaking
- Gameplay style profile (casual, competitive, etc.)
- Recent players list (S)
- Free and premium download game content(S)
- Free and premium downloadable movies, music, tv (S)
- Downloadable demos/trailers (S)
- Microtransactions (S)
- Custom playlist in every game (S)(O)
- Play music from portable devices (S)(O)
- View images from digital camera (S)(O)
- Strem media from Windows XP (S)(O)
- Interactive screen savers (S)(O)
- Track info for CDs (S) (O)
- Communication with voice, video or text (S)

The Hardware:
1. Support for DVD-video, DVD-Rom, DVD-R/RW, CD-DA, CD-Rom, CD-R, CD-RW, WMA CD, MP3 cd, JPEG photo CD
2. All games supported at 16:9, 720p and 1080i, anti-aliasing
3. Customizable face plates to change appearance
4. 3 USB 2.0 ports
5. Support for 4 wireless controllers
6. Detachable 20GB drive
7. Wi-Fi ready

Custom IBM PowerPC-based CPU
- 3 symmetrical cores at 3.2 GHz each
- 2 hardware threads per core
- 1 VMX-128 vector unit per core
- 1 MB L2 cache

CPU Game Math Performance
- 9 billion dots per second

Custom ATI Graphics Processor
- 500 MNz
- 10 MB embedded DRAM
- 48-way parallel floating-point shader pipelines
- unified shader architecture

Memory
-512 MB GDDR3 RAM
- 700 MNz DDR

Memory Bandwidth
- 22.4 GB/s memory interface bus bandwidth
- 256 GB/s memory bandwidth to EDRAM
- 21.6 GB/s frontside bus

Audio
- Mulitchannel surround sond output
- Supports 48khz 16-bit audio
- 320 independent decompression channels
- 32 bit processing
- 256+ audio channels


To sum up the important stuff regarding XBL:

There will be two versions of Xbox Live. Silver is free (everyone gets it), and Gold is a paid subscription, like the current XBL. It looks like Xbox Live will be free on the weekends for everyone; Gold members will get it all the time, obviously. Current Xbox Live accounts will carry over to the 360 and become Gold Xbox Live accounts. Both Gold and Silver members will be able to download demos, trailers, and other content through XBL.

sounds good hey!!! Can't wait till November now!

All specs courtesy of http://www.gamesarefun.com/news.php?newsid=4844

Well last night saw me watching the final chapter of the Skywalker saga.  Was it good? Was it bad?

Well these words will explain...

After the crawl, we are invited to follow Anakin and Obi-Wan through a space battle to recover the "Captured" Chancellor.  This in itself was truly amazing.  The way Anakin took the Buzz Droids off Obi-Wans ship was amazing.

Then when they entered the ship, all hell broke lose.  First off they battled a few battle droids immediatly after they exited their ships and continued all the way through to the chancellors room.  R2-D2 provided the laughs by setting the super battle droids on fire using his jet packs.

Then the two Jedi fought Dooku.  Amazing as this battle was, it was far too short and Dooku's demise was actually pretty poor unless you keep your eyes open!  He gets his hands cut off then decapitated by Anakin.  This was done well.

But then they were captured by Genral Grievous who although he impressed me, i felt he could have had a bit of a more important role to play.  The fight with the Magna Guards though was sensational but flawed.

The cheesy love scenes remain but they are vital to the story.  The only reason why they are cheesy is because you expect battles galore and then they happen.

The fight between Obi-Wan and Grievous was a little bit of a letdown as well.  It was over far too quick!!!  Grievous only used his 4 arms for a few minutes before the extra two were cut off!!! And then Grivous's death was good.  The audience cheered with that.

Meanwhile Palpatine had announced to Anakin that he is indeed the Sith Lord but this was too late.  Mace Windu went and tried to arrest the Chancellor and Anakin had already been twisted enough to stop him.  But while this was happening, Anakin had to defend the chancellor to keep Padme alive.  During this scene, Palpatine is transformed in the Emperor we see in ROTJ.  The grotesque figure then proceeded to kill Mace Windu. And claim his prize.... DARTH VADER.

The battle of Kashyyk was actually very well done.  There wasn't a victory or a defeat, instead there was a retreat by Yoda who knew he had to stop Vader.

Then the tears came from me.  The Order 66 scene was very moving.  The score set me crying, it was horrific.  And then the seige of the Jedi Temple.  Man was that moving!

Then here we come, the last two duels intercut with each other.  After an argument with Padme, Anakin reveals all he wants is the powers Palpatine had promised him... not to be Palpatine's apprentice which explains ROTJ a little bit more.

And Yoda got Owned.  He did give up rather two easy but this fight was amazing.  and the editing during the two duels was very vell done and during Yoda vs Sidious, you realise that Sidious gets stronger everytime something goes his way and he loves pain (the cackaling can be heard).

But the important duel was the best.  The moves were phenomenal and the choreography was superb.  The quote Obi-Wan gives when he leave Anakin to burn is very moving.

And then.... the transformation.  Although done quick, it was done well.  And it also explains why vader can only use brute force.  We see what he sees and it isn't normal sight!

The ending was very good and the film did tie up questions that i needed to know.  Why Anakin killed Palpatine, Why he tried to turn Luke in ESB, why he is slow on attacks, why Leia remembers Padme.... OOOPPPPPSSSS. That wasn't explained.  Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

Overall, this was a fitting climax to the saga and one that will be remembered for a long time.  Is this film better than Empire? No but it is as certainly as good as!

Decided to have a fresh start.

This entry is about me for all that don't know me.

My name is Scott-James Holland aka Greatone and i am almost 18 years of age.  I live in Cheshire and have great plans to move out.  I am not in education no more because i feel as though i have had enough.

My interests in life are football, rugby, games, music, sleeping and drinking.

My music taste leans towards indie rock but often when i go out i listen to house music.  My favourite band at the moment is Kaiser chiefs.

I am a keen Manchester United Supporter and think that Glazer should FUCK OFF!!!!

I have an xbox and a PS2 which i am normally on... Xbox live tag is Greatone1987.  add me if you want!

I have a personal vendetta against chav's.  Who in there right mind would wash their trainers everyday, buy extremley cheap jewellery which looks as though it was from a 20p machine and wear burberry? NO ONE WOULD!!!! Click on the pic below and koin the crusade!

Anyway that's it.  love you all.

Scott-James

aka

Greatone